Did you have a good Christmas? Was it turkey or duck? I hope that you didn’t succumb to any of that vegan nut roast nonsense! Those green terrorists have got a lot to answer for. The next thing you know they’ll be trying to cancel Christmas altogether on some flimsy excuse that it is an orgy of gluttonous over-consumption which is destroying the planet.
Did you get any time for Christmas shopping at all? Hopefully you managed to grab a couple of hours in between yet another of those whistle-stop tours around the capitals of Europe to secure a few more crumbs from those stingy foreigners.
I was ready to settle down in front of the telly one Tuesday in December for the Brexit vote, only to find that the show had been cancelled. Then, on the Wednesday, came the announcement of a vote of no confidence in your leadership, but that turned out to be a damp squib as well. You are nothing if not tenacious – a characteristic for which you are often lauded by your dwindling band of supporters. Although I’m not sure tenacity, of itself, is a desirable attribute without a qualifier. Hitler was very tenacious, but most people would have preferred that he had been less so.
I dread to think what the corporate media will do with themselves when the curtain finally comes down on the Brexit circus. They will need another good war. Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria all seem to be losing their puff. Even the War on Terror is getting jaded. The media is rather churlish about covering the war in Yemen; probably because of the genocide, mass starvation, cholera, and such like raining down on those poor people; in large measure compliments of the UK Government. Do you have any concerns about being hauled before the ICC for war crimes? I shouldn’t worry. They are a spineless bunch when it comes to prosecuting leaders from rich Western countries. If you could conjure up a fresh war it would also have the advantage of distracting from your problems at home; a tried and tested device for political leaders to boost their flagging popularity.
But let’s get back to Brexit. For us in the Socialist Party it is of no consequence whether we are ruled by a plutocratic feckless elite from Brussels, or a plutocratic feckless elite from Westminster. As socialists we don’t believe in borders, in fact we don’t believe in nation states; without which there can be no immigration problem, nor any wars. What a bummer! We want to create a decentralised democratic society living in harmony with the rest of life on our planet; where everyone contributes according to their ability and takes according to their need. Now there’s a novelty for you!
Anyway, time to get into the New Year spirit! There’s nothing like the chance to gobble up what remains of our depleted planet to fend off the winter blues. You’ve already been doing your bit by expanding the fossil fuel industry and reducing incentives for green energy. Did you get an opportunity to read the latest IPCC report? I wouldn’t bother. It’s depressing stuff. You’d think they could have brought out something more upbeat for Christmas.
And while I remember there’s just that little matter of the government’s contempt of parliament to put to bed. I think you should go, cap in hand, to Speaker Bercow’s study and accept your punishment. I always found that a magazine down the back of the trousers helps soften the blows.