Fifty Sheds of Grey
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Inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, the 'bestseller' by E.L.James
Not the sort of jokes one will find in the average Xmas cracker!_________________________________________________________
"So," I asked eagerly, 'Do you like the feel of a feather on your naked skin?"
"I'm not sure," she said, "Maybe if you took it off the pigeon first?"
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My tongue flicked in and out, faster and faster until she was completely helpless.
No woman can resist a good lizard impression.
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"Open you mouth, I ordered, tying the blindfold over her eyes. Before long, I was completely satisfied. She definitely couldn't tell Coke from Pepsi.
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"Take me roughly on your multi-purpose workbench again," she begged.
I smiled. It's true what they say – once you go Black and Decker, you never go back.
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She told me she was into extreme bondage – so I took her to see Skyfall six times
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At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.
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Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it.
I probably should have told her about the new electric fence.
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She looked up through her fringe and whispered, "Tonight, you are my master and I am your slave. Your wish is my command…"
So I got her to clear out the shed.
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Her fingers ran up and down its length until it spurted all over her heaving bosom. She'd clearly never used a watering can before.
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After that weekend in the shed, I never saw her again. It turned out she wasn't looking for a relationship; she was just DIY-curious.
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