HELL EXPLAINED

[robbo203]

The
following is an actual question given on a University of
Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in
by a student.

The
answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which
is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it
as well :

Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most
of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it
is compressed) or some variant.

One
student, however, wrote the
following:
First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell
and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely..
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the
different religions that exist in the world
today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than
one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially.
Now,
we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to
expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This
gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in
Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.
So
which is it?
If
we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact
that I slept with her
last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over.
The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over,
it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct….. leaving only Heaven, thereby proving
the existence
of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa
kept shouting, ‘Oh my God, Oh my
God’

THIS
STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[J Surman]

Brilliant!

[Author]

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